It is cold in this house. Candles have been lit to create the pretense of warmth. Hands are grasping a steaming cup of decaf. Feet are snuggled in a pair of the rattiest (and most comfortable) leopard print slippers. I know.. my fashion sense is too much for you to handle. Don’t hate me because I am on top of the trends. 😉
But it is quiet. Quiet except for the clicking of my keyboard. Quiet except for the slight hum of electronics. Quiet except for my daughter’s crazy hamster running amuck in her cage. Quiet except for my thoughts.
And oh, how I have many of them. So very many.
If you read this blog, you will know that I undertook a 3 week social media fast. I honestly didn’t think it took up that much of my time. But what I discovered was something even more interesting/concerning. The few hours a day I spent on social media wasn’t the only time it took up space in my brain. My eyes were opened to just how much this comparison to others was affecting me.. and how, long after I was off the computer, my brain gave room to those destructive thoughts.
The I’m never going to be good enough thoughts..
The I can’t do what they do thoughts..
The I should really just give this up thoughts..
The what if I fail thoughts..
These thoughts can be related to photography, as that is the majority of twitter-ers I follow. But of course my role as a homemaker is not immune to those thoughts. Nor my role as a child of God.
See, God is good. And He knows me so well.. better than I know my own self. He knew what my thoughts were doing. He is the One who prompted the break. And during that break, I was able to fill my brain space with His truth.
I am Sarah.. the one He fearfully planned and wonderfully created.
I am a flawed human who is being redeemed by His love every day.
I love babies and light and sparkly eyes and photography.
I am good at what I do.
I have much to learn.
I am loved.
These are the thoughts that will be taking center stage. Truth. God’s thoughts about me. How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God.
And if I find myself becoming consumed again by what the world might think of me?? Back to the fast I will go. Our lives here are but a breath. And because of this fast, I can’t stand the thought of wasting one spare second on what another photographer/wife/mom/child of God/person might be thinking. Learning and growing and discovering from others is a wonderful thing, and that I will continue. Comparing and criticizing and judging myself is not and that will stop.
I might be the only one who struggles with this, but just in case I’m not, I am putting this here for all to see. There is a verse from a song by Francessa Battistelli that I will leave you with..
“Don’t take much for this crazy world to rob me of my peace.
And the enemy of my soul says You’re holding out on me.
So I stand here lifting empty hands for you to fill me up again..”
I allowed social media to rob me of my peace. Are you?? 🙂
With lots and lots of love.. Sarah.